Friday, June 25, 2010

Blur Queen/Sotong/Scatter-brain

These are some of the nicknames that my friends call me, or you can simply call me "Miss Forgetful".

I have always been a forgetful person ... and I don't think I am ever going to be able to get rid of this flaw in character.

There was this one period in primary one when I was obsessed with playing hopscotch. I would play it with my my friends during recess, everyday. Since we didn't have anything to use as a marker, we used our wallets. That is all fine, except that I will forget to pick up my wallet when the bell rings, and someone would find it and bring it to my class, which really irritated my form teacher. I have lost count of how many wallets I have lost.

Now that I have grown up and working, you would have thought that there will be some improvement, but I am still the scatter-brain. When I was working at TTSH and SNEC, I would forget to fill in a form or give a certain drug to a patient at a certain timing, I would forget to send a speciement to the laboratory or forget to send a patient to so a procedure. The Sister tell me that I cause more problems to my colleagues because they have to clear up the mess I have created.

Now that I am working in a private clinic, I thought that I will improve, I thought that I will be able to do my work well as there isn't as much pressure.

But I was wrong.

History is repeating itself again. The doctors are telling me the exact same things that the Sisters have told me, and although my colleagues don't tell me off in my face, but I do feel as if I am creating more problems than helping.

Am I really such a lousy person?

Is there no job suited for forgetful and scatter-brains like me, a job where my forgetfulness would not cause problems for others, a job where I don't have to feel so ashamed of being me?

There are so many times when I wish I could simply vanish into thin air, that I have never existed. I seem to bring nothing but troubles and problems to my parents, friends and everyone related to me.

1 comment:

Wintershark said...

Maybe you do cause problems sometimes. But you also do good for the people you interact with. It's just that no one ever realises until you go away. It's hard to constantly remind yourself that you're valuable, but you have to, because you are.

In the workplace (especially in an Asian country like Singapore), there is a constant pressure to be perfect. The truth is that everyone makes mistakes. Yes, including the people "cleaning up" after you. You have to find a balance, where you can deal with your own mistakes, or perhaps reduce their impact. (For example, by making checklists, or leaving reminders in conspicuous places so that you don't forget as often.) The important thing is to try.

It's difficult, of course. It's hard to be let down by a part of your character which you can't get rid of. But then there are the parts of yourself which you can be proud of. You're an intelligent and mature person making her own way through life - what's to be ashamed of?

You can pull through this. I believe in you.